Wednesday, April 21, 2004

The Babe Factor Act

The Babe Factor Act
By Cindy Buchanan
A group of women in Washington believe that unmarried women searching for a husband should not be required to work. They assert that the labor essential for beautifying oneself is a full time job and that the women in this category should be fairly compensated. This is what they hope to accomplish by passing The Babe Factor Act of 2004, introduced by Senator Ima Voyair of Alabama.

There is no doubt that a woman searching for a mate has an exhausting job. She has to spend a great deal of beautification time in order to find a suitable husband. Hair must be cut, styled, conditioned, colored, sometimes permed or straightened, and lovely streaks or highlights added. In order to prevent breakouts and wrinkles, she must cleanse, tone, moisturize and do weekly facials. She applies makeup daily. Her brows must be tweezed. Many areas of her body must be de-fuzzed, such as legs and armpits. In some cases, facial hair must be removed. Men can not even imagine the pain endured during a bikini wax. She must spend hours tanning and then compensate for the damage done with moisturizers over her entire body. She must plan her diet carefully and exercise several hours a week. Her teeth must be whitened and her nails must be done. We won't even begin to talk about clothing, since we would need a book for that.

After all this, she must find time to actually go on dates.

Under the law, entitled the Babe Factor Act, unmarried women aged eighteen to thirty may receive compensation as long as they maintain appropriate "babe factors." Babe factors include but are not limited to the following: Her hair must be properly styled, her complexion must be glowing and blemish free, and she must maintain an appropriate height/weight ratio. She will be displayed in front of twenty men of various ages and backgrounds to determine her desirability. At least eight out of twenty men must rate her as "hot." Should the woman fail to maintain a passing Babe Factor score for over four consecutive weeks, she will lose her compensation. Naturally beautiful women will not qualify. Homely women that are beyond any hope of being referred to as "hot," will also not qualify.

Women who are potentially "hot babes," but need daily beauty maintenance, will receive weekly pay, equal to what they could expect to receive at an average job in their area. Not only must they pass the Babe Factor test and the Man Test, but they must also provide a weekly log of time spent each week in beautifying endeavors.

Women over 30 will be evaluated yearly by a team of male experts to make sure she still has babe potential. After age 36, she will no longer be eligible for compensation. Women who are altered by cosmetic surgery will be disqualified.

Sister to this act is the Domestic Goddess Act which would offer compensation to women in order that they may stay out of the workforce and spend full time beautifying themselves for their husbands and providing him with the appropriate wifely benefits and privileges.

At long last, lawmakers are beginning to realize that women should receive proper compensation for their hard work.